Edge play is a broad term that can mean a lot of things in the kink community. For some, it simply means that they enjoy the feel of a cold-metal edge against their skin, or the idea of removing wax from a naked body with a blade. However, there’s another understanding that has more to do with fear. This can still be a fear of knives, where you might not even need to touch your partner to get a reaction – the sight of your knife collection, or the sound of a pen knife being clicked open could be enough to get them trembling with excitement and terror. It can also mean the fear that is a result of being aware of the risks and consequences of the activity or scene; breathplay, knife play, and fire play are all examples of this.
What is ‘edgy’?
There is no particular definition of what is or isn’t edgy except for how it is perceived by the people involved. For example, in the mid-1990’s, scat and ageplay were considered too extreme based on what the majority considered an acceptable activity. As a result of this, there were no panels on ageplay or scat at the Living in Leather convention.
For some it’s being stimulated sexually through being slapped, for others it’s the thought of being humiliated – and that’s why edge play is so complex. There are many, many variables that can go into where exactly that edge is, and it can be different for everyone. All the term ‘edgy’ does is hint that the people taking part are looking to generate a certain reaction either out of themselves or out of their partner. Therefore, the appropriateness of any activity is defined by those involved and depends on one’s experiences and acceptable risk level.
Comfort Zones
Like with many aspects of kink, it is often about moving us out of our comfort zone. Part of what makes edge play so attractive is that it brings partners to a place of vulnerability where real intimacy can happen. It leaves the bottom having to fully trust the top and face a fear that can, sometimes, leave them feeling stronger.
That idea of trusting your partner includes communicating a lot beforehand. Discuss what it is that causes the fear – is it the thought of being hurt? The increase in power that the top has over you? If you cry, will it be tears of joy? Fear? Catharsis? How can your partner tell the difference? How will they know when to stop? It is important to communicate and figure these kinds of things out before you dive in the deep end.
Be Prepared
If you and your partner want to challenge the convention creed, there are a few things to keep in mind. The only real rule when it comes to edge play is that the activity performed is not forced, deceitful or harmful without prior agreement. You should talk through the scene more than once and agreed on safe words, what the outcome of the scene is, and what to avoid.
If the edge you’re looking for has some complex, or skilled, elements – blood play, handling guns, rope suspension – you need to take the time to familiarise yourself with the tools and practice in a low-pressure situation beforehand. Learning to perform physical skills in a hot and sexy scene could make the difference between a good scene and a trip to A&E.
Finally, it’s important to remember that not everyone is ‘edgy’ or wants to push themselves to the edge. If your partner isn’t keen, under no circumstance should you pressure them into acting out your fantasies – edgeplay often involves both physical and mental challenges that could result in short or long term harm, and this should not be forced on anyone. Whether you’re on the edge or not, the most important thing is to enjoy your kink and make it a positive part of your life and your relationship.