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Extreme Sexual Domination

BDSM is two different things, which are often but not always combined; sensation play and power dynamics. If someone is getting tied up and spanked, and they are enjoying the feeling of that, that’s sensation play. If they get excited at the thought of being overpowered and disciplined, that’s the power dynamic. Domination can be a combination of both, depending on what you and your partner enjoy. Communicate your desires, and encourage your partner to do the same – this will help you both understand what it that you want from the experience.

Now, there’s no real limit to how extreme sex can get. Again, communication is important as it will help establish boundaries and ensure you both get the most from the session(s).

Safety First

When it comes to BDSM, safety is key. Enthusiasts and practitioners have developed a thorough set of guidelines and rules to make these sessions, no matter how extreme, positive and safe. All these and more are available online, but let’s cover the basics.

If you don’t know how to do something or use something, get instructions and practice before you start experimenting in the bedroom. If you and your partner decide to use bondage as part of the play, the restrained person should never be left alone. A safeword should be established beforehand – often ‘no’ and ‘stop’ are not recognised as an actual instruction to cease or desist but are seen as an inducement to further the activity. An unrelated and easy-to-remember word should be identified to be used in case one of the people involved experiences too much pain or panics. Once the safeword is used, the session comes to a complete end. Finally, remember that consensual means you both agree on what you’re going to do. You don’t have to have a set routine planned, but set up your boundaries first.

Communication is Important

Every relationship is different, every person is different. You may like the idea of having hot wax poured all over you, but she could be horrified at the idea of hurting you. In order to check that you’re both on the same page, you need to talk about what turns you on, and those kinky fantasies that you’ve been wanting to try. Remember, your partner gets to tell you hers too.

When discussing your dos, don’t forget to mention your don’ts. If you’re scared or turned off by some of her suggestions, just say no and explain why. Be gentle with each other, don’t judge and focus on the fantasies that work for you both.

Edgeplay

Edgeplay is a broad term that can mean a lot of things in the kink community. For some, it simply means that they enjoy the feel of a cold-metal edge against their skin, or the idea of removing wax from a naked body with a blade. It is so many things that it often ends up being whatever one deems as ‘edgy’. In the 80s and 90s things likes age play, scat play, and suspension were no-nos, but they are now gaining popularity within the BDSM community. Things that are still considered extreme and edgy? Knife play, gunplay, and rape play.

Knife Play

Knife play often involves moving a blade across sensitive areas of the body, threatening safety with a knife, and minor scratches and abrasions that might result from pressing the blade gently against the skin. Milder forms of this kink include removing clothing with the aid of a knife, displaying the blade while the sub is securely bound, or simply threatening to use a knife on your partner. More extreme forms include using two knives, utilising the handle of the blade for blunt impact, or combining electro-stimulation with knife play.

Gunplay

Similarly to knife play, gunplay involves using a weapon in the bedroom – usually to generate fear and threaten safety. Gunplay is generally considered more dangerous than knife play, as partners often opt to use a loaded firearm for a more realistic scene. Serious consequences could occur, so this form of play should not be entered into lightly.

Rape play

Rape play usually involves the submissive feeling forced to do whatever the dominant partner tells them to do. Those who partake in rape play often rely heavily on the physical aspects of the scene to get into their roles – the location, setting, props and so on can make it seem more real. To make rape play even more realistic, many enjoy setting it all up with an ‘abduction’ scene where the dom surprises their subs (at home, at a bar, in a car park…), bind and gag them, and force them into a car. Therefore, rape play can often include aspects of knife play or gunplay and extreme bondage.

After any extreme form of BDSM, it is important that both you and your partner engage in after care. Connect with each other, comfort one another, and make sure both of you are ok. When the adrenaline has worn off a day or two later, you’ll want to talk about how things went, whether or not you want to try it again, what you would change, and so on. This way, both you and your sub leave happy and fulfilled from the experience.

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