Can Fantasising Be Good for Your Relationship?

Man on top of woman in bed

What counts as cheating? Monogamous, monogamish, polyamorous — there are many ways to be happily committed. There are, also, many ways to cheat.

Many of the behaviours deemed inappropriate or “micro-cheating” — like checking someone else out — are far from reliable signs of relationship problems. But the fact that they’re categorised as “cheating” reveals an implied demand that our partners never pay attention to anyone else. The hard truth is that it’s very, very difficult for a single person to meet all of your sexual and emotional needs forever.

But what about fantasising about other people? Studies have shown that it’s simply part of our nature to be turned on by novelty, which is why most of us fantasize about people other than our partners and find ourselves gazing at attractive strangers from time to time. These things don’t necessarily mean that we no longer love our partners or that our relationships are on the verge of crumbling — more often than not, they’re just part of being human.

When Is Fantasising A Problem?

If you find yourself thinking about someone else while in the middle of an intimate act, you shouldn’t beat yourself up about it. It’s natural to find people other than your partner attractive. And this, in and of itself, is not cheating. It’s just how our brains work.

However, if you find yourself fantasising about someone else on a regular basis, or in order to get you in the mood, it might be that your fantasy has become a coping mechanism to handle your feelings about your relationship. If this is the case, take a step back and evaluate your relationship and see if there are some bigger issues at play.

Most of us will fantasise at some point or another, and it’s about time we all accepted Instead of shying away or burying the guilt deep inside your head; open up and indulge in it. Fantasising can amp up arousal, and it can be fun and adventurous to share what turns you on.

How to Fantasise With Your Partner

If you are considering sharing your fantasies with your other half, you need to start by evaluating your own relationship. Do you feel comfortable? Are you happy in your relationship? If you’ve answered yes to these questions, then your relationship has a sturdy foundation to make this work. If, however, you’ve answered no to these – it’s time to really reflect on the situation. You can’t have an unhappy relationship and hope a sexy fantasy will hold it together.

Communication is Important

Do you and your partner share intimate details? When you find a girl sexy, can you tell your partner that you think that she’s hot? If you’re both comfortable enough to talk about each other’s crushes, sexual desires, and other little kinks, it’s a definite sign that you’re both happy and ready to share your thoughts; good and bad!

If you’re insecure, jealous or find it hard to deal with the fact that your partner could have a crush on someone else – this is not for you. You, the relationship, or both, may be too fragile to try fantasising together. It really does take trust and love to try something new in bed, especially something that is intimate and risqué.

Talk About What Turns You On

Before delving straight into your deepest and darkest fantasies, why not test the waters by talking to your partner about the little naughty things that occur in your day-to-day life. You can start by describing or talking about the things that turn you on now and then. Whether it was a flirty conversation with a someone at work or a sex toy you found online – there’s plenty of sexy situations that often get our heart racing.

When you’re both comfortable and ready to take it up a notch, introduce these fantasies into your foreplay. Get your partner to close their eyes, or if you’re feeling especially kinky use a blindfold. Then begin to recount a sexy incident that recently happened, while running your hands and fingers along your partner’s body. Speak slowly and use elaborate details to help your partner visualise the situation. Remember you’re trying to arouse your partner’s sexual interest as well as yours, so throw in something that you know will turn them on and don’t be afraid to bring out those dirty thoughts that you’ve been hiding all this time!

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