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Dominance – A Beginners Guide

Sexy woman kneeling and holding handcuffs on bed, bdsm

Domination is sexy. Domination is fun. You get to level the sexual playing field and take control of your own erotic experience – what’s not to like about that?

It can be hard, however, for women to imagine themselves as a whip-wielding dominatrix. The thought of inflicting pain or being aggressive to a partner can also be uncomfortable and frightening. And that’s completely normal. BDSM is still relatively taboo. In the same way that doggie style and oral were once considered the acts of perverts but are now ordinary, people who like rough sex and funny costumes are the new deviants.

Taking the lead is more than just leather cat suits and spanking; it’s about striking a balance between being aggressive and being you. Get the balance right, and you’ll love every second of the experience. Being in control will do wonders for your self-confidence, your sexual satisfaction, and your desire to be in control of your own sexuality will drive your partner wild.

Communication

When it comes to any form of BDSM, safety and communication are paramount. Every relationship is different; every person is different. What happens if your partner likes the idea of having hot wax poured all over you, but you’re horrified at the idea of hurting him? There are plenty of variations and kinks, so talk about what turns you on, and those kinky fantasies that you’ve been wanting to try. Remember, your partner gets to tell their too. Create an environment of patience, trust, and willingness and let the process work itself.

When discussing your dos, don’t forget to mention your don’ts. If you’re scared or turned off by some of his suggestions, just say no and explain why. Be gentle with each other, don’t judge and focus on the fantasies that work for you both. Once you’ve decided what you both want, here comes the hardest, but also the most fun, part. You’re the Dom, so you’ll be doing everything here on out. You have to have a plan and craft the scene; it’s a lot of work, but it’s also a lot of fun once you get the hang of it!

It’s All About Confidence

Domination requires three things; control, confidence, and sensitivity. Nobody knows what turns you on, better than you do. It’s not something you can fake and that’s why it’s hard for new Doms to get started. The best thing you can do for your confidence is to start slow, craft an easy scene, and try to relax and have fun. Start with something simple, like playing with yourself in front of your restrained partner. He’ll be dying to be let loose and join in on the fun…but only when you’re ready.

Control

Telling your partner what to do, and/or physically controlling their body is much harder than it looks. It takes practice, which is why you should start with short and simple scenes, easing your way into different forms of dominance. What you do depends solely on your kinks and comfort level. When starting out, don’t be afraid to lean heavily on your toys to help establish control; Bondage Rope (€ 11.64, kinky.ie), Cuffs (€ 26.78, kinky.ie), and Tape (€ 11.07, kinky.ie) can help you feel safe in establishing a dominant energy.

Sensitivity

This doesn’t mean that you should show a sensitive side. Sensitivity is more about learning to read your partner’s body language and signs and adapt the scene (or stop the scene completely) if necessary. Maybe he wants you to go harder; go slower; go faster; or back off completely. Negotiations and safewords are imperative as they define the outer parameters and ensure that both you and your partner get the most from the scene. The art of being a good dominant is learning to recognise where the edges are and trail just within them.

Being Comfortable

As with any sexual experience – don’t do anything that makes you feel uncomfortable. If you have something in mind, talk it out and work your way slowly up to it. There’s no point dressing up, using toys and trying daring positions if you’re nervous and massively out of your comfort zone. It’ll show.

Remember, this is about you having a good time and exploring yourself sexually. So do what you want and/or need to do to ensure that it’s an amazing experience for you. Keep your limits in mind, and communicate and share ideas with your partner. That way, both of you can benefit from this experience.

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