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Is Bondage a Form of Abuse?

Woman tied up!

With 2017 just around the corner, plenty of us are thinking of the year ahead and new year’s resolutions we would like to keep. For some of us spicing up our sex lives is top of the list; from trying anal to exploring the world of BDSM, there’s something for everyone.

BDSM in all its variations and manifestations, still has an uncertain rep – the media often portrays those who engage in BDSM as either leather-clad outsiders or deeply damaged individuals. It is rare to see people who practice BDSM depicted for who they most commonly are; regular, everyday people.

Don’t let the myths surrounding BDSM hold you back from giving it a go. We’re here to break it down and give you the basics.

What is BDSM?

BDSM encompasses a wide range of activities, but participants tend to fall into one of two roles that allows for a power exchange – the submissive and the dominant. The submissive voluntarily gives up some or all of their power to the dominant. BDSM allows individuals and couples to play out their fantasies through a variety of role plays; whether you cuff your partner to the bed or put on a leather catsuit. This departure from everyday life and the opportunity to explore different fantasies is part of what makes BDSM so appealing.

How do you ensure that you’re engaging in a healthy BDSM relationship?

Bondage can be kinky, fun, and a great way to spice things up in the bedroom. What specific activities each individual couple enjoys is up to the people involved. Interests are varied and diverse, and no two kink relationships are the same. However, there are a few common threads; BDSM relationships require a high level of trust, communication and respect. An unhealthy and abusive relationship is often marked by fear, manipulation and exploitation.

First things first, you need to make sure what you’re doing is safe, healthy and consensual. Ask plenty of questions and ensure you and your partner are on the same wavelength. Communication really is key when it comes to BDSM.

Communication is key

As mentioned previously, you really need to communicate before you give bondage a try. BDSM is more theatrical than real, and so scenes should be planned in advance. First, you and your partner should agree on safe word. Choose a word that is easy to remember and is unlikely to be said by accident (such as slower or calling your partner’s name). The safe word immediately stops the action, so double check that you are both aware of the word and that when it is said the session is stopped completely. Any dominant partner who fails to honour the pre-agreed safe word violates the submissive partner’s trust and destroys the relationship.

It’s all about trust

BDSM is also about trust. When trust outweighs the fear of harm, the result can feel incredibly intimate and erotic. Your partner needs to know that you won’t hurt her or force yourself upon her (unless she wants you to).

Again, let her ask as many questions as she wants, and do what you can to put her mind at ease. You could suggest watching some BDSM porn together, which would give her a chance to choose what she does and doesn’t like/want to try. She may change her mind a few times, but be patient and reassure her as often as possible. It’ll be worth it.

Remember it’s just a game

Kink is an element to a relationship, but it should never be the guiding force. The roles you and your partner assume while role-playing is just that, a role – it should have little to do with how you both interact when you’re not playing. As with all the good stuff that goes on in the bedroom the top priority should be having fun and staying safe. Staying relaxed, going with the flow, being respectful to your partner and being prepared for the fact that everything might not go exactly according to plan will help create a healthy BDSM relationship, adding an exciting edge to your sex life.

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