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Watching Porn Together is Healthy

Couple look at a laptop

We are often told that pornography promotes acts and ideas that are destructive to monogamous relationships and our general state of being. But you might want to think twice before hiding your porn collection; a study in the Journal of Sex and Marital Therapy has suggested that porn has a place in the bedroom and can lead to a happier and better relationship.

The Benefits

The study asked 340 women aged 18 – 41 years old to answer an online questionnaire regarding theirs and their partner’s porn habits. The research concluded that those who had partners who were honest about their pornography use scored higher on measures of relationship satisfaction. “Being honest about pornography use with a partner indicates that the person is comfortable with their own sexuality and the things that sexually titillate, stimulate, arouse, and turn-on their excitation,” said Dr. Fran Walfish, child and family psychotherapist and author. Honesty and communicating about sex is key to a strong and happy relationship. The findings revealed that 45% of couples watch porn together, and this group displayed less unhappiness with their relationship than those who did not report mutual use.

Furthermore, those who are in a happy relation and are sexually satisfied, are less likely to look for gratification elsewhere. Watching porn should not be considered a form of cheating; it simply confirms that we as humans enjoy variety. Allowing your partner to watch an amateur or professional in cyberspace will in no way harm your relationship (unless you make it a problem) – in fact, it is likely to boost it. Watching porn together allows you both to open up about your kinks, instead of hiding them. Some people find it difficult to discuss and explore their sexual fantasies with their partner. Others may not yet be aware of what turns them on. The internet has provided us with a wonderful and diverse selection of clips for all tastes; depicting various positions, toys, locations, kinks, and sexual acts. Take the time to browse online for clips that touch on what you enjoy – if you can’t seem to find the words to describe what gets you hot under the collar, a video clip may say it all. Of course, suggest your partner does the same and spend and evening watching (and re-enacting?) those sexy scenes.

Man holding woman's breasts from behind

Couples who play together, stay together

Women who rarely or never watched pornography with their partner reported a higher level of distress, and a decrease in relationship satisfaction when men frequently disclose their use of porn to their partners. This has been attributed to the worry women have of being compared to female porn stars, and also the fear of the thought of their partners being aroused by images other women. “Female partners may find pornography to be a source of competition in that they may not be satisfying their partners’ needs; the more disclosure that men provide to their female partners, the more upset that women feel as they find out that their partner is using more porn than originally expected,” the researchers wrote.

Touching on the above point; we are all prone to feeling insecure and jealous of others – but we need to accept that we can be turned on by other people. Watching porn together lets you see your partner’s arousal at the image of another man, and vice-versa. Watching porn together could reduce any anxiety or worry you have about your partner straying and lead to a stronger, healthier relationship. Honesty about porn consumption is advised, and watching porn as a couple is encouraged. It will allow you to learn more about what your partner does and doesn’t enjoy, and is bound to spice things up in the bedroom!

How to Approach the Subject

You may want to be honest about your porn collection, but aren’t quite sure on how to bring this up in conversation. You should first consider why you have held back from discussing this in the first place; is it because your partner is reserved? Are you worried you’ll be judged? Are you ashamed about your porn use? The answers will help you determine the best way to discuss this with your partner, but keep in mind that in the case of porn use – honesty is the best policy.

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